Cold and High Crazy Blood Sugars

So today i put makeup on for the first time in 4 days. haha. Mom took me to the doctor‚ and he said i have swolen lymphnodes (what?) and advised me not to sing. Grr. And that my ears are filled with fluid, and i have a red throat..its not pretty. So i‚Äôm on medication and i have the hugest headache‚ and this time its not becuase of caffeine, because all i’ve had today is water. My blood sugars have been crazy today, never over 250 though. :]I went to school today around 1:30‚ and surprised Jackie..well she actually surpirsed me. I saw her in the hall, and then went the other way and called her, but she came up behind me and surprised me. i didnt scream. haha. So we talked in the library, and studied, and then went to music class, where i took my quiz‚ i dont want to know my grade! ahh. Then after class, i saw a good friend, and got 2 hugs! yay. It was nice. 😀  Then we went home on the 215..wow‚ .that was different, i didnt have to drive though, so i was happy about that! :] Yay for homework‚ ahhhhhhhh!!!Have a great night! :]

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Philosophy Presentation

I had my presentation in philosophy! My numbers were low before hand, but I still had to present. it went well, we talked and went through the slides a little too fast though. oops. there was nothing else to say, so we moved on.Then Tuesday, I had to go to school alone‚ and i really missed Jackie!! omg. and classes were boring.And Wednesday, jackie didnt go to school again, and i missed her even more!!! i had to talk to alot of people too. but it was good‚ Luckily, on Thursday, she came!!! yay!! and it was a great day! Classes were good‚ English is getting interesting.  uhhhuhhh and Philosphy is just confusing. Music Appreciation is a fun class too, i like it alot. :]. We went to an early dinner with mom at like 3:30‚ and we went to Maccaroni Grill!! it was good. We came back to school around 4:30 and studieed for our test which was at 6:00.  Then after the test, I studied with a friend, and that was a lot of fun!! :]] Friday was a busy day! We had a voice lesson at 1:00 and guitar at 3:30. Today is Saturday. I love John Mayer’s music. wow.

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13th Diabetic Anniversary

It’s September 8th, 2006  means that its the 13th year that i’ve had juvenile diabetes.

Around 10:00 am 13 years ago, mom had just gotten off the phone with the hospital telling her to bring me into the hospital quickly…and for the next 10 days after that, i was in a corner room of the hospital, with an initial blood sugar of 799 and being told i wouldnt see a number under 200 for a couple months. A couple days ago, my aunt said that she was on the phone with mom and she was screaming “mollie has diabetes.” and we all had no clue what this meant. over the years, we’ve learned a lot of about diabetes and all i want is a cure for this debilitating disease, so I never have to have another anniversary…ever!!!

Okay it’s the 8th……my 13th anniversary without ANY compliations….who woulda thunk? Haha Because I choose to celebrate what’s good about my life rather than concentrate on what’s bad about diabetes, my sister, mom and I celebrated in a very unsual way..I went out and did exactly what I shouldn’t do…just to prove  that’s im still human. The truth is, I calculated to the best of my ability, how much insulin I would need and how I would deliver before ever walking in to The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf! See, I planned the place and told  my mom where we would go to have my special treat.  As I walked through the door, there were so many choices, things I would never in a million years have! It took me a while to decide what was going to be the star of my special treat. In the end, I chose to have a Regular Ultimate White Chocolate Coffee Bean Ice Blended Caffeinated Drink with chocolate covered coffee beans ground up inside the blended drink. As I savored every sip, mom and Jackie took pictures for my wall of memories in my room. Yes, I broke every diabetic rule in the book. I did something I never do. And I love every single minute of it! But, as I said, I planned this whole event and I delivered insulin over a period of time and continued to test ,my blood sugar on the half hour to make sure I didn’t sky rocket and I have to admit that my due-diligence over the years, or my attention to my diabetes management truly came in handy, because what I learned is that I can no only celebrate very special occasions the way I want, but I can do it and control my blood sugar So not only did I have the joy of having a rare special treat, but I had the joy in knowing that I didn’t hurt myself. And I think every diabetic, once in a while break out of their safe zone and take a calculated risk. It felt good and I couldn’t stop smiling, as usual. Haha. Pictures to follow. Heres one picture to give you an idea.

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Juvenile Diabetes

Juvenile Diabetes is an auto-immune disease that affects my ability to make insulin. In my case, my body doesn’t make the hormone called insulin, which is necessary to carry glucose to all the vital organs…so without insulin, a diabetic would die. Type 2 diabetics make insulin but don’t absorb it, so they take medication that helps them absorb it and if that doesnt work, only then wil they go on insulin. But diabetes is where you dont make insulin or dont absorb insulin, like since you dont have diabetes, whenever you eat, your pancreas gives insulin for the food you eat. When a diabetic eats, they have to test their blood sugar, and then figure out how much food they are going to eat, then take enought insulin for the carbohydrates, protein, fat, etc. in the food. I’ve had diabetes since i was 4 and been on insulin shots for 7 years, then went to an insulin pump in 2000 which was great and we’re all just praying and helping support and fund for research to find a cure for diabetes. I could go on and on. but thats basically what juvenile diabetes is.

I am a Juvenile Diabetic, I was diagnosed on September 8th, 1993, at the age of 4, so i’ve had diabetes for almost 13 years. Jackie and I have vowed to help find the cure for this devastating disease to make sure diabetes does not get in the way of our success. i have a Deltec Cozmo Insulin Pump in sea blue.

date i was diagnosed: September 8th, 1993

average number of shots: 10,220

amount of insulin bottles used: 2,398

average number of pump sites: 936 

average number of finger pokes: 52,195

amount of hours spent testing my blood sugar: 1,350

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Update

so today we had guitar lessons…it was really fun! We’re learning picking‚ and it sounds like the johnny cash song. my blood sugars have been really good lately, with exericse and all, its been great!!! Last week was great‚ the wedding was fun and seeing our family was awesome!! We got to sing at the wedding, and that was sooo much fun!! WE sang Unforgettable and then later that night too. I better go, lots to do! We figured out a schedule today.

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Driver’s License!

I got my Driver’s License today!!! I know, I’m 17 and still didnt have a license…we weren’t in a rush. haha. But today, i took my test and I passed!!! Yay!!! Having a head cold and trying to rehearse is hard‚ I couldn’t stop coughing last night while we were rehearsing and it was very annoying!!! Hopefully, today it will be better and we can rehearse for more than an hour. so thats all i wanted to update! I hope everyone’s day is going well!

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Biology Presentation on Diabetes

today was great. :] i smile alot. :] our presentation/speech in biology on Diabetes went Realllllly well. we were the last to go‚ but it was okay. We had a group of 3: Kyle, Jackie and I. Kyle did the PowerPoint (because we have no idea how) and it turned out awesome!! Our speech ended up being 45 minutes with questions and all‚Ķthere were alot of questions, our professor asked alot and there were just soooo many questions, but it was fun and i think we all did really great! all the groups were awesome and very informative and i learned a lot today. that project was great.We went to lunch to the gas station with Jaye‚ had port or subs. that was soooo much fun! so we order our sandwhcihes and i’m just smiling, and the guy that puts like the lettuce and tomatoes and stuff on was like, why are you soo smiley? haha we all start cracking up laughing! it was hilarious, jaye and jackie are like she smiles alot! what can i say, why would i frown? so then he’s like, heres “smiley’s sandwhich‚” it was sooo funny. i had a big meal for the first time in like days! it was good. haha. That was fun, just talking about stuff and school and all the presentations and how school will be over in a weeek! i can’t believe this! wow‚.Then around 2:00, had some trouble finding the room we were supposed to test in, beucase there was no professor there, but everything was fine. we took the CAAP test. college soemthing something proficientcy. lol. it was 72 questions of what word is better than this phrase? how can you make this logically make sense? and then there were 2 eessays , actually letters i guess, and tehy gave us more than 1 page! i was happy. :] I got done around 4:30….Jackie finished an hour later, it was hilarous.my mom and dad came to nsc and we were all hangin out there talking and stuff and then they were tkaing us to dinner. that was fun. the dreaded stairs! haha. i fell there once. memories. haha.okay well i have a huge astronomy final tomorrow‚ wish me luck!thanks for the comments everyone. :] how cool. heheh<3 mollie

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I Wish, I Dream, I Imagine, I Pray

I would like to read a poem about juvenile diabetes. I have had diabetes since I was four years old and now I am fifteen. I wrote this poem about my disease and what it will be like for me when the cure is found. I started this poem by writing down many of the thoughts that have gone through my head regarding diabetes.  I’m a very optimistic person, so I intentionally wrote “I wish, I dream, I imagine, I pray” to show what I think the future will be like once the cure is found. Diabetes causes diabetics like me to have good days and bad days. Most of the time, I am in control of my disease, but there are times when the disease gets the better of me and I feel like I just want to cry myself to sleep.  I understand that most people don’t know and probably don’t want to know the truth of how difficult it is to live with this disease and the toll diabetes takes on a diabetic’s body, it is too depressing.  For this reason, I feel it is important to write about how diabetics remain positive, rather than dwell on the negativity in their lives. Diabetics accomplish this goal and see the blue sky thought the dark clouds by focusing on their future, which of course includes the day juvenile diabetes, is finally cured. The poem is called, “I wish, I dream, I imagine, I pray” because this is what I do every morning of every day.  I really do wish, dream, imagine, and pray. I pray every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep, “God, please help the researchers find the cure for diabetes and every other disease. Alleviate the pain and suffering that those of us living with chronic diseases endure and replace it with joy and peace.” This poem reveals my wish for a miracle, as a dream about the day the cure will be found and I imagine my uncontainable excitement as the phone rings and I hear, “Mollie, they’ve cured diabetes!” Those words will make me and every other diabetic the happiest people in the world and millions of us will excitedly shed tears of joy, tears of relief, and above all, tears of gratitude!

I wish, I dream, I imagine, I pray

I wish, I dream, I imagine, I pray
That diabetes will go away
And someday soon a cure will be found
And there will be plenty of joy around.

I wish, I dream, I imagine, I pray
That the doctors will find a cure today
For many have suffered year after year,
With no hope of a cure being near.

I wish, I dream, I imagine, I pray
That once and for all,

Diabetics will have their day
Free from shots
Free from pokes
Free from schedules
Free from jokes.
I wish, I dream, I imagine, I pray
A cure will be found today.

©Mollie Singer

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10 Days

My birthday is in 10 days!!! woohoo! Well, today was insane. We had to wake up at 6:30..we had an 8:00 Biology 100 class that is 3 hours long!!!!! it was alright though. They started talking about insulin, the endocrine system, glucagon, the pancreas, etc., and he would ask the class, and this guy and i would say “insulin” or “pancreas” haha. it was funny. After class, i told him i had diabetes, and he was like, “whats your average?” so we talked about that for a while. He’s a doctor. Typical doctor. The last name is sooo familiar, i have no idea why though! hehehe.Then, around 11:00, we got out, i tested and i was 123! woohoo! We ate lunch, did ALOT of homework, got my assignment notebook all filled in which took like forever!! and then did some more Math homework and stuff.We left school around 2:30…went for a walk and are now home, finishing Math, Astronomy Hw, and studying for the stupid Bio test on thursday that we will have no time to study for tomorrow. haha nice.

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12 Year Diabetic Anniversary

Happy 12 Year Diabetic Anniversary to me!

September 8, 1993, I was in the hospital trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why I drank gallons of water and still felt thirsty, eating alot of food but losing weight and feeling tired and still having no energy to do anything. The doctors and nurses tested my blood sugarand it was 799. Normal blood sugar is 80-120. My mom, dad and sister and aunt were all there. Dad was there every single night making sure i was safe and alright. He is a doctor too, so that helped having him there. My mom and sister, Jackie, came every morning and stayed until the visiting hours were over. Jackie was the best! She never complained, cried, or wanted to go home. She stayed strong through the whole thing, I love you sooo much Jackie! Thanks for always being here for me!!! I was in the hospital for 10 days. My a1c was 19.3 when i was first diagnosed‚ it’s now around 7.2ish from the last time i tested, which was about 3 months ago. I don’t remember much, but i know Mom was up every night reading every book and online website she could find trying to learn about this chronic disease I had just been diagnosed with. My life as juvenile diabetic for the past 12 years has been a big challenge, but with the strength, hope, courage and determination God has given me to face each day with a smile and positive attitude, I know i can make it through.I‚Äôve also had the awesome opportunity to be involved witht he Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) as a volunteer since the age of 6 to testify, lobby and advocate for more funding for diabetes reserach. Thank you for all the support everyone!That means alot to me for you all to be here when i needed you most. My blood sugars were soo good today! i woke up at 111 and before i ate lunch, i was 144. But, I have to change my insulin pump site when i get home‚ and I’m typing this at school right now…why you ask? it hurts soooooo bad..its on my upper back and i really need to change it, every time i bolus, it burns and i can feel the insulin going in..gotta love it right? positive attitude I’m grateful i have an insulin pump.

Curemoll‚ since September 8th, 1993

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Last Day of 11 Years.

Today is the last day of my 11th year of diabetes. This time 12 years ago, my sister, mom, dad, aunt, uncle and grandparents were getting ready to see Wayne Newton’s show that night. All I remember from that night was that Jackie and I wore little white dresses with pink flowers on them and our hair was curled. During the show, all I could think of was how thirsty I was, I kept drinking 7up and water and mom took me to the restroom atleast a dozen times. So it was my last say of being a non-diabetic. I guess we celebrated but never knew what was about to happen and how my whole family’s lives were going to change. So we took a picture at the show and now I have recreated it‚ I’ll post it a little later today! 12 years ago, I didn’t have diabetes. I don’t remember not having it, but I do remember Apple Jacks! Once again, I don’t remember much, but mom said that before I was diagnosed, we went to IHOP and she said that I was so hungry that I would finish my meal, then eat everyone elses. I was starving, and losing weight. I remember that I was so thirsty, it would take me from the time I got a water bottle to the time we went through the door to the car to drink a bottle of water. I was diagnosed on September 8th, 1993. I was hospitalized for 10 days. My A1C was 19.3 and the doctors told us that my blood sugars wouldn‚Äôt be below 200/300 for months, they were wrong. It was a nightmare and I hated being the hospital. Ever since then, I cannot eat orange chewable tablets of any kind.So today, I’m celebrating the last day of my 11th year of diabetes, I will post tomorrow just so you know.

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I Am

In English class on Monday, we had to write a poem about i am, i wonder, etc. and our thoughts that follow. Well, these are my thoughts, just thought i would share this!  Let me know what you think!

I AM

I am a diabetic in the sophomore class
I wonder if I will succumb to the facts
I hear a voice saying be strong this to will pass
I see doctors work to keep research on track
I want to be normal how long will this last

I am a diabetic in the sophomore class
I pretend sometimes to be free from my disease
I feel the loneliness down deep in my soul
I touch the fingers I persecute with ease
I worry that some day I’ll be out of control
I cry for everyone who’s ever been harassed

I am a diabetic in the sophomore class
I understand the urgency to find the cure
I say to the disheartened there’s always next year
I dream of the day I won’t have to endure
I try to remember a life without fear
I hope the researchers will find the cure at last
I am a diabetic in the sophomore class.

© Mollie Singer
May 6, 2005

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When Dreams Take Time Only Faith Can Keep Them Alive

What would you do if one day your doctor told you: “Your life will never be the same; you need to make drastic changes and if you don’t, you will die?” When I was only four years old, those were exactly the words a doctor said to my family and me; it was September 9, 1994 and I had just been diagnosed with juvenile diabetes.  Over the past eleven years, I have dreamt of what it will be like when the doctors cure diabetes.

In every quiet moment, I think to myself over and over again, two very precious words, “you’re cured!” I silently scream with utter excitement and cry tears of joy, collapsing with relief, as I try to decide whom to call first, whom to thank.  In my dream, I am sitting at home when all of a sudden the tranquility is broken with the ring of the phone.  My mom answers it and all I hear is her quietly sobbing, unable to speak. She cries for me as a doctor on the other end of the phone tells her they have cured diabetes.  My dream is overdue only because researchers have not yet found the cure for juvenile diabetes, a disease in which one person is diagnosed every 3 minutes. However, over the past ten years, the researchers have come closer and closer to curing this God-awful disease and they have made major progress in the prevention of diabetic complications.  Knowing this, I try to be strong, but sometimes the pain, frustration, and fear is over whelming and at night, while others are peacefully drifting off, my mind is cluttered with “what ifs,” I eventually cry myself to sleep.  Diabetes is filled with frightening unknowns that are tempered with the realization that some day my dream will be a certainty.  

There are many reasons why I dream of a cure for diabetes and why I will never give up; after all, it takes as big a toll on your mental stability and self-confidence as it does on your physical well being.  There are times when I am with my friends just trying to be a normal teen, who wants to look and dress like other kids.  However, being forced to do simple things like always carrying a big purse, so I can bring my diabetic supplies, the things I need to stay alive, such as glucagon, a life-saving medication that raises a person’s blood sugar if it drops critically low, means I can never be a typically fashionable teen.  Also, young diabetics regularly encounter discrimination, some subtle and some not so subtle, from both their peers and adults who naively believe diabetics are a hassle, which for many diabetics leads to frustration, lack of self-confidence, and depression. I hate being different and having a devastating disease like diabetes, but I also know I am blessed.  I have an incredible support system in a family and extended family that loves me, especially my sister.  Also, as much as I despise being a diabetic, I am grateful to have a disease that even with complications is usually manageable, unlike others who live with terminal illnesses and who have no hope, which is why I always pray for their cure first! I still believe in my dream, no matter how long it takes to come to fruition.  I know a cure will be found in my lifetime, I only wish I knew when. But, until my dream comes true, I will fight to keep it alive by helping to bring about diabetes awareness, advocating for a cure in Washington, raising funds for medical research, and mentoring newly diagnosed teens.  These activities keep me very busy, but what raises my spirits is the ability to visualize the day the miraculous news is announced and my family and I can celebrate my new healthy freedom by throwing the biggest party ever! When my dream is finally realized and it will be, I will no longer have to worry about testing my blood sugar and constantly poking tiny holes in my fingers.  No more shots, or changing insulin pump sites, no more embarrassing high blood sugar that gives me excruciating leg cramps and blurs my vision so badly that it prevents me from reading in my early classes, or low blood sugar that makes it impossible for me to think clearly, or function in any acceptable manner.            

Finally, when my dream becomes a reality, I will actually be able to imagine the one period diabetics avoid thinking about, the future.  Above all, I will finally be able to give up the guilt I have felt since the day I was diagnosed for inconveniencing and worrying my family and friends. With a cure, unpredictable health problems will no longer be a concern and there will be nothing to prevent me from achieving my goal,. Someday, my dream really will come true, some day I will once again know what it feels like to be normal!

© Mollie Singer, 2005

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When Dreams Take Time, Only Faith Can Keep Them Alive

When Dreams Take Time Only Faith Can Keep Them Alive

What would you do if one day your doctor told you: “Your life will never be the same; you need to make drastic changes and if you don’t, you will die?” When I was only four years old, those were exactly the words a doctor said to my family and me; it was September 9, 1994 and I had just been diagnosed with juvenile diabetes.  Over the past eleven years, I have dreamt of what it will be like when the doctors cure diabetes.             
In every quiet moment, I think to myself over and over again, two very precious words, “you’re cured!” I silently scream with utter excitement and cry tears of joy, collapsing with relief, as I try to decide whom to call first, whom to thank.  In my dream, I am sitting at home when all of a sudden the tranquility is broken with the ring of the phone.  My mom answers it and all I hear is her quietly sobbing, unable to speak. She cries for me as a doctor on the other end of the phone tells her they have cured diabetes.  My dream is overdue only because researchers have not yet found the cure for juvenile diabetes, a disease in which one person is diagnosed every 3 minutes. However, over the past ten years, the researchers have come closer and closer to curing this God-awful disease and they have made major progress in the prevention of diabetic complications.  Knowing this, I try to be strong, but sometimes the pain, frustration, and fear is over whelming and at night, while others are peacefully drifting off, my mind is cluttered with “what ifs,” I eventually cry myself to sleep.  Diabetes is filled with frightening unknowns that are tempered with the realization that some day my dream will be a certainty.  
There are many reasons why I dream of a cure for diabetes and why I will never give up; after all, it takes as big a toll on your mental stability and self-confidence as it does on your physical well being.  There are times when I am with my friends just trying to be a normal teen, who wants to look and dress like other kids.  However, being forced to do simple things like always carrying a big purse, so I can bring my diabetic supplies, the things I need to stay alive, such as glucagon, a life-saving medication that raises a person’s blood sugar if it drops critically low, means I can never be a typically fashionable teen.  Also, young diabetics regularly encounter discrimination, some subtle and some not so subtle, from both their peers and adults who naively believe diabetics are a hassle, which for many diabetics leads to frustration, lack of self-confidence, and depression. I hate being different and having a devastating disease like diabetes, but I also know I am blessed.  I have an incredible support system in a family and extended family that loves me, especially my sister.  Also, as much as I despise being a diabetic, I am grateful to have a disease that even with complications is usually manageable, unlike others who live with terminal illnesses and who have no hope, which is why I always pray for their cure first! I still believe in my dream, no matter how long it takes to come to fruition.  I know a cure will be found in my lifetime, I only wish I knew when. But, until my dream comes true, I will fight to keep it alive by helping to bring about diabetes awareness, advocating for a cure in Washington, raising funds for medical research, and mentoring newly diagnosed teens.  These activities keep me very busy, but what raises my spirits is the ability to visualize the day the miraculous news is announced and my family and I can celebrate my new healthy freedom by throwing the biggest party ever! When my dream is finally realized and it will be, I will no longer have to worry about testing my blood sugar and constantly poking tiny holes in my fingers.  No more shots, or changing insulin pump sites, no more embarrassing high blood sugar that gives me excruciating leg cramps and blurs my vision so badly that it prevents me from reading in my early classes, or low blood sugar that makes it impossible for me to think clearly, or function in any acceptable manner.             Finally, when my dream becomes a reality, I will actually be able to imagine the one period diabetics avoid thinking about, the future.  Above all, I will finally be able to give up the guilt I have felt since the day I was diagnosed for inconveniencing and worrying my family and friends. With a cure, unpredictable health problems will no longer be a concern and there will be nothing to prevent me from achieving my goal,. Someday, my dream really will come true, some day I will once again know what it feels like to be normal!

© Mollie Singer
2005

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11 Year Diabetic Anniversary

I was only 4 years old. My family and I were at the Wayne Newton showrooms watching him perform. It was a night I will never forget. I was drinking so much water and regular soda and I had to go the restroom a lot. My blood sugars were high! The next day, my mom knew something was wrong, she just didn’t know what.  We went to the hospital and to make a long story short, my blood sugar was 800. The doctors said that my numbers would be around 200-300 for the next six months.  So, I am writing this journal to remember that 11 years ago today, was the day before I was diagnosed with this wonderful disease.

Tomorrow is my diabetic anniversary.

That is, the day I was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes, at the age of four on September 9th, 1994. My diabetes has put me through a lot of things. Extra responsibilities, having to carry a bag full of supplies and all the extra stuff that goes with it, but it has also made me stronger and I am so glad I am alive and well. There are lots of memories before and after I was diagnosed, both good and bad.  But I am blessed that I was diagnosed with a disease that I can control and still be alive when I grow up, so I am grateful to have such a wonderful life to live. I am a happy person and smile ALL the time!

When the cure is found, which will be soon, I can have: regular soda, real ice cream, candy bars, without taking insulin, and all kinds of foods without seeing an insulin pump and pushing buttons! Also, when the cure is found, I won’t have to worry my family, or worry that my twin sister may also suffer with this dreadful disease. I won’t have to worry if my kidneys are okay and if my general health is good or bad every time I give blood.  I won’t have to wear my pump and have people wonder what that thing is. I won’t have to change my insulin pump site with an inserter and needle. I won’t have to test my blood sugar 10-15 times a day anymore.

I could be like any normal person and not have to think about my blood sugar every minute of every day.

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